August 29, 2007  

Hi MBBP Subscribers,  

Let's take a break from my preaching and selling and review some of Rodney Dangerfield's material. 

If you don't know who Rodney Dangerfield was, let me tell you. Rodney was our professional joke-teller, so you got jokes and gags, not anecdotes about, "I don't get no respect!" He left behind infinite echoes of laughter.  

Here's a selection of Rodney Dangerfield humor: 

   * I was lost at the beach once and a cop helped me look for my parents. I said to him, "You think we'll find them?" He said, "I don't know, kid. There are so many places they could hide." 

   * Once the cops arrested me for jaywalking. The crowd shouted, "Don't take him alive!" 

   * A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home. 

   * During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. 

   * I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. 

   * When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through." 

   * I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. 

   * With my old man I got no respect I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. 

   * My old man... one time l was kidnapped. They sent back a piece of my finger. He said he wanted more proof.. 

   * I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, "There goes the neighborhood!" 

   * When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother. 

   * I told my dentist what can I do about having such yellow teeth? He said, "Wear a brown tie." 

   * I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. 

   * My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.  

The litany of abuse would be punctuated with the occasional "I tell ya, I don't get no respect. No respect at all." The crowd would cheer. 

"I don't get no respect" was, of course, his signature line, but to the end he had the respect, and the gratitude, of everybody who ever laughed so hard they cried. 

Rodney passed away on October 5, 2004        

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